I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
