The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
