you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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