Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
