There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
