Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
