Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
