If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
