I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
