oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
