I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
