i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize