you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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