Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she looked like the before picture.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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