I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
