she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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