The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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