I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
