Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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