just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
