hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
