you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
