as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
