This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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