Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
