Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
