don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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