he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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