the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
