Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
