"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
