I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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