I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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