just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
