I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
