your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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