doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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