what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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