hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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