The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
