I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
