You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
