hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
