i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
