you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
