she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
