just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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