If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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