I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
