i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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