wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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