oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
