She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
