we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
