I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
