8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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