remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
