so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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