East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
