sarcasm needs its own font
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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