just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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