So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
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Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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