I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
