im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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