Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
