Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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