I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
