It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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